Does This Shit EVER Frackin End?

Apparently it sure the fuck does not. So I took Miss. Kitty to her doctor for her check up. Everything seemed to be right as rain. She’s growing like a weed. She grew another ¼ inch in a month. She is a little on the too skinny side but she eats like a P I G hog every day. She’s pretty healthy. So just when I think it’s gonna be a good fucking day for once I get my ground knock right the fuck out from beneath me. The doctor has me come stand behind Kitty to show me how her right shoulder blade is significantly higher than the left. I stand in front of my girl and see how when she stands straight her right should is higher than the other. This has all happened in the span of 16 months, the time since her last real physical. How in the fuck did I NOT notice this? It’s not some little thing, some little misalignment, it is very obvious. Her doctor tells us she needs to get an x-ray and my poor little love immediately bursts into tears because she’s afraid of what is going to happen to her. Just when I think my heart can’t break anymore it does. This is why I don’t believe in God. How the fuck can I? The cards have been stacked against her since she was conceived. I gave one of the world’s shittiest fathers. She was born at 29 weeks, had a collapsed lung, and some shitty as fuck nurses. Not all were shitty, thank who the fuck ever, but it’s the shitty ones I remember the most. She’s got ADHA, learning troubles, and now a messed up back. What the fuck?! What the hell did she ever do to deserve this? Hasn’t my life been such a spectacular fail that hers should be good?  I don’t get it. She sees an orthopedic specialist on March 19.

Afterwards we went to the mall to get her shoes to go with her new dress. She wanted white heels and that’s what she got. She wanted a heart necklace and feather earrings and got those too. All during the trip she kept asking questions and looking scared. She told my parents as soon as we walked in the door so now my dad will be driving himself bat shit crazy worrying about her to the point of being obsessed. He’s a good dad and great grandpoo, but I swear he loves to make himself sick worrying. I can’t stand that shit. I have enough to deal with worrying about her and comforting her. I shouldn’t have to worry about babying him too. I’m so fucking tired of being the man, the strong one. It always has to be me.

That’s enough of my boohoo poor me rant for today. Tonight I will take a small fist full of Xanax and hopefully sleep for once. Kitty has dance class and her last basketball game of the season. I’m hoping she makes a couple baskets. Oh and to add insult to fucking injury neither my broadband nor the internet and data have been working right for the past 2 days. 3g speed my mother fucking fat ass. I’m paying a $100 a month for this shit so you’d think it would work right? WRONG. One more day of this shit and I’ll be ready to choke a fuckin bitch out. Fuck me!